Babysitting. How old were you when you got your first gig? I was twelve. Think about that: twelve. My charges were two little girls – a toddler who was still bibbed and fed in a highchair, and her five-year-old sister, who had an enviable doll collection I pretended to pretend I wasn’t playing with. I wasn’t even wearing a bra yet. And had zero experience. Classes were common when my own daughter was semi-involved (“The Babysitter’s Club” was a popular series with her pre-middle school crowd), but back when I was a kid, young couples were perfectly fine with turning over their tiny, vulnerable children to – other children. I did learn the art of feeding sloppy goo lumps to reluctant victims, er, beloved offspring, so that was helpful 20 years on (Pro Tip: add lots of honey).
That couple paid 50 cents an hour. The dad owned a successful advertising agency; the mom played tennis. Yeah. Two bits and a twin (it’s like that, see?)*. I arrived full of enthusiasm at 6:00pm and they stumbled home – less glamorous, distinctly disheveled, and sweaty – after 1:00am. I may have been a child, but I knew well-to-do drunk people when I saw them (and I saw a lot of them – this was Connecticut in the 70s. My family are WASPs). What was worse, TV went off at midnight. The dreaded hour came when the National Anthem played to a picture of a waving flag and then – blink – test pattern and one shrill note – like the Eloi being called to slaughter by Morlocks. Look, when you’re twelve in a strange house with only the sounds of unfamiliar creaks, you’re going to imagine all sort of things. And you need to be paid a LOT more than tree fiddy.
As it happened, the couple liked me and hired me often, for a dollar an hour. Word spread and I did quite well for myself: I earned enough (mostly) to keep my three-packet-a-day McDonald’s fries habit going - until I started smoking two years later, after which I simply had to raise my prices.
What? That’s the market, man.
*References to old movies, Edward G. Robinson in particular, will be frequent. Some people have youth, some have beauty – I have menace.